organizing the empties. That sober.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
