Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
