i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
