This beer is not sobering me up at all
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
