I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
