So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
