VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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