i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
