dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
