So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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