I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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