Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
