Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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