Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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