True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
