then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize