this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
