if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
