remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
