Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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