i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
accomplished twins. life is a go
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
