Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
MIDGETS
????
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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