The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
