he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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