So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
