If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
