I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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