Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
