I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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