dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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