So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
