FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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