you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
