i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize