sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
