Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
