i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
