Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
