She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
