where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
