You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
