Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
