I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
