Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
