My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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