she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
