so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
