I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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