apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
