i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
