So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
