Your tits are I can't wait for
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
