so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
