Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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