this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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