I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
