he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
