After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
