Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
