I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So squirting runs in the family.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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