Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
