What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize