i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
