She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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