Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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